we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
did i walk over a car last night?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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