I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
pop tarts are not kleenex
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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