wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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