So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize