It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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