i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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