So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
