What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
