We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
