My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
