worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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