Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I haven't been this sober since birth.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
