I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
