She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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