hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
