So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
