Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
