Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
