she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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