it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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