You can't special order awesome
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize