She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
