I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
