Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he thought i was a dude.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
