There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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