So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
