dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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