I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
