I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
