I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
