He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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