OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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