Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
