i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
