I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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