Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
