if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Randomize
