The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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