I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He better not be in your backpack
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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