On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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