you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
