The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
