we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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