when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
