He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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