So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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