the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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