I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
even my farts smell like vagina
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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