I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
