I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
