thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
