I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My vagina is officially offended.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
