i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
