Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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