u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
