Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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