hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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