I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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