I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
