And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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