I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
4 words: hood of his car
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize