that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
