Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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