What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
