Fine. I'll sleep in my office
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
