I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
