Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
