i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
