i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
