God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
