YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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