just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
