playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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