You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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