Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
