So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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