are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize