I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize