he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize